The Lost City

Where do I go from here?
Which direction to that fabled promised land –
That El Dorado?

Progressing for so long
Yet the horizon is still so far.
At this rate, we’ll never beat nightfall.

Progress?!

Is that what you call this-
If you work too hard chasing the sunset
You’ll never see the moon.

Mayhap progress is a lie
That we tell ourselves
So that we don’t become stagnant;
So that we continue trying
To move forward.

But where do I go from here?

Recent Dreams

There are a couple themes I’ve noticed in my dreams lately – drowning and teeth. Both of these are relatively common recurring dreams, and they also make sense for me personally. I am terrified of drowning and very self-conscious about my teeth.

Drowning

The first recent and vivid drowning dream happened about two weeks ago.  I was swimming in the Ohio River, near a town I can reluctantly called home, with my friend Ben from where I currently live.  There was a storm blowing in, so the water was very choppy as well as higher than usual.  I had some foreknowledge of a dam that had been erected several miles down stream.  While swimming I tried having a conversation with Ben, but I found it difficult to speak because I was afraid of the waves would take me under.  I stayed above water, but still was terrified.  I awoke feeling very distressed.

Last night I dreamt I was snorkleing.  The water was a little dark, but calm.  As I tried to take a breath through the snorkle-mouthpiece-something I realized I was too far under the water and, instead of air, I got water.  I started panicking and attempted to swim to the surface.  Not being a strong swimmer, I felt that I was going to drown before I made it. Alas I broke the surface and felt the sun and wind on my skin and breathed a sign of relief.

Teeth

It might be more accurate to say “mouth” dreams…  I’ve had several dreams in the last few months that involved my teeth just crumbling into my hands.  Those are usually brief and basically the same with only differences in setting and situation.

One of the more mouth-y dream revolved around a thin, deep cut on the inside of my jaw.  I attempted to squeeze out any pus that might be hiding in there and, instead of pus, out plopped two miniature conch shells.  One was slightly bigger and darker than the other.

In another similar dream, I had another cut on the inside of my lower lip.  Same routine – I poke around it a bit trying to squeeze out anything that might be hiding in there.  This time, some black, goopy material came out.

I have dreams that specifically involve my left canine.  I have no cavities on this tooth or anything else that would stick out about it.  The most frustrating thing about this dream was that throughout it, I kept telling myself that it wasn’t a dream –  that it was real.

Usually my left canine is just loose; sometimes it falls out.  Last night it fell out, but it was like a baby tooth.  There was no root and there was another tooth poking though my gum.  The tooth fell  out because I kept wiggling it with my tongue.  I felt blood and some other tissue fall out with it, so I went to my bathroom to spit it all in the sink.  When I spit it out I realized that the “tissue” the fell from my gum was actually two little worms.  They resembled hairless caterpillars but they had more prominent and rounder heads and cartoon-like antennae.  I removed the lip ring I had in the center of my lower lip (I’ve never had a piercing there in reality) and rinsed my mouth.  Upon investigation I realized the worms came from a small hole in my gum beside my new tooth.  I started pushing on my cheek to see if there were any more in there, and sure enough, there were.  It reminded me of a snakes venom  duct – or for a more human comparison, perhaps a vampire.  I removed a third – *plop* into the sink.  The fourth wasn’t so lucky.  I squished him before he made it out and it resulted in a slow trickle of grey, soupy worm innards.  Then finally the fifth and final.

Birmingham

Paint the stars for me
So that I may see
Life at a different altitude.

Memories of monsters hiding in the closet;
Imaginations and associations that run deep
Create a consciousness weary of this world.

Show me what you’ve seen –
Allow me audience
But though your eyes, not mine.

Opportunity

It isn’t now or never
But now would be better.

Carpe Diem, motherfucker.

Has it been long enough yet?
Long enough for you to prove
You’re worth it-
That you deserve something better-
Something at all?
Let it go.
… Maybe one day.
Or so one would hope.

Blow it of,
Pass it by.

Now is not the time.

Dive In

Let the water surround you
– consume you.
Lay yourself to rest
Within its cærulean tomb.

The flamed lick your skin
– the tongues of a thousand demons
Laying claim to you
In their sacred scarlet passion.

Two paths,
One destination.

Your choice,
My destiny.

C’est tout?

Confession?
Intoxicated extrapolation?

Returned?
Delusioned?

Don’t read between the lines
Until you understand the words –
Create meaning where there is none.

Clearer words never spoken,
Intentions never more clouded. 

Tell me your joke,
Une fois de plus,
That I may laugh at the punchline
Instead of the social commentary.

Initially misunderstood,
Now over-thought.
Ou est-que c’est tout?

Listen to the Thunder

Creeping in again,
I feel it rising –
Those terrible feelings
That send me reeling.

Attempting to gain
Some semblance of control.
After all,
That’s what its all about,
Isn’t it?

Release at arm’s length…

But no.
Bleed only ink,
Calm the storm,
Ride it out.
This, too, shall pass.

Unafraid

Hardened by hardship,
Morally blinded by what I’ve seen,
Unsympathetic.

Certainly its the same for others.
Spoiled by war and
Ruined by a world
Where hate and conflict
Reign supreme.

But I am unafraid.

Though I walk through the valley
Of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil.
Not “for thou art with me,”
Rather, if anything, for thou hast shown me
And already made me privy
To the knowledge
That people
Are assholes.

St. Elmo’s Fire

Can’t you feel the fire
Burning me alive?
Fueled by furneral pyre,
Fabled passion –

What’s the difference?

Speading flames,
Tinder eyes
Catching fire.

… They say –
A candle loses nothing
By lighting another.

But the second candle,
what does it lose?

A static life
Without change –
Without dynamic;

The peace derived from
Simply existing
Suddenly igniting
Succumbing to entropy.